Chew Toy

Imagine laboring all day on something that you feel passionate about, only to have its supposed value fall on deaf ears or blind eyes.
Let's say you make Christmas fruitcakes. Your recipe has been handed down from generation to generation. You spend days planning, shopping, baking and wrapping dozens of your prized fruitcakes and give them freely to everyone you know.
Then, when visiting a friend at Easter, you notice one of your fruitcakes being used as a doorstop.
Or that TPS report you worked on for two weeks is tossed immediately to the recycle bin; unread.
Or that nice sweater you bought for your sister has been turned into a chew toy for the dog.
You can probably understand why these musicians are offended.
Turns out their "music" is perfect for "torturing" terrorists. The musicians are up in arms about it, but I'm not sure why.

1. Are they upset that somebody holds their music in such poor regard that listening to it is considered torture?
2. Are they upset that the terrorists are being forced to listen to their music as opposed to that of another, perhaps more talented, musician?
3. Are they upset because they might not be receiving air play royalties?
4. Are they upset that the terrorists are being made to listen to music as a form of torture, period, as opposed to having being ripped limb from limb or being buried in the Sahara up to their neck with honey poured over their head?
5. Are they embarrassed that their music is of an inferior quality and they wanted to put up a better showing for the terrorists?

The musicians are 'saying' that #4 is true - that they think each terrorist should be given a six figure salary, a beautiful wife and a house in the foothills. But I'd bet a wooden nickel that the real reason is more like #1 - their feelings are hurt that their music is being used to punish people.
Why not view this as an opportunity? I mean, an entirely new demographic is being exposed to their life's work. If they believe their music is good, why wouldn't they think the terrorist will enjoy it and one day, when Obama sets them free, purchase the album for themselves and their entire clan?
I, for one, think the whole situation is hilarious.

From the military's perspective, I get it. Personally, I could probably handle Pearl Jam for a while, at least until my eardrums exploded. But R.E.M.? Not a chance. Give me the waterboarding, please.


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Planet of the Dogs

I like dogs.

I do not currently own a dog. But that is more of a practical matter than one of preference.

I like their personalities and quirkiness. I like their loyalty. I like dog smiles.

I like Old Yeller and Santa's Little Helper. 

[The following excludes seeing-eye dogs, police dogs and firehouse Dalmatians.]

The dogs I don't like are the ones riding mass transit or buying plumbing supplies at Home Depot. I don't like seeing yipper dogs freeloading in every Paris Hilton-wannabee's purse. I don't like seeing dogs in the produce section at the grocery store. And I REALLY don't like the dog that tried to order a small Chicken Carbonara at my local Quizno's on Saturday while I was dining with my children.

These are dogs, people! Animals, not babies. They chew on logs and drink from the toilet. Where we use bathroom tissue, they use their tongue.

If you want to take your dog for a ride, great. Dogs love to roll with their heads out the window. Take them on a nice country drive. Don't make them run errands with you. Your dog is yours alone. If you want to let him lick your face with the aforementioned tongue or sleep in your bed, so be it. But that does not mean that the rest of society wants to share your dog. Have some respect and consideration for your fellow man, please.

Sorry Snoopy, no dogs allowed.